The Devil’s Bouncer
Thorin N. Tatge
The devil came to visit me one day—
Like a salesman he rang my bell. Well,
He offered me a pair of roller skates,
But I told him that he should go back to Hell.
I didn’t fall beneath his evil spell,
For when I tried to skate I always fell,
And that made it a tricky sell.
He said that I should make pornography,
For he saw that I was in a rut, but,
He offered me a pair of roller skates, and a checker set,
But I told him I would never make that smut,
For something felt amiss deep in my gut.
And though I couldn’t even tell you what,
It meant he didn’t make the cut.
He said that I could start a gambling joint and would keep whatever I could get—yet,
I’d also get a pair of roller skates, and a checker set, and a piggy bank, and a stereo,
But I decided that there was no need to fret.
I told him he could keep his checker set,
For I would rather not go into debt,
And that seemed like a losing bet.
He said that I should join the Mafia, for although I’d have to prove my skill, still,
I’d surely get a pair of roller skates, and a checker set, and a piggy bank, and a stereo, and a model train, and a pogo stick, and a voodoo doll, and a B.B. gun,
But I told him he should go and pop a pill,
For he would never bend me to his will,
Since I had better things to do than kill,
And so I told the devil, “Chill.”
In desperation then, he bowed to me,
And he said, “Your wish is my command.” And,
He offered me a pair of roller skates, and a checker set, and a piggy bank, and a stereo, and a model train, and a pogo stick, and a voodoo doll, and a B.B. gun, and a china set, and a motorcar, and a water slide, and a ferris wheel, and a rocket ship, and the Royal Mint, and eternal life, and undying fame,
But I shrugged and closed the door to his demand.
He didn’t really seem to understand
That all I really wanted was the land,
And someone there to
hold
my hand.