Dimensionality

Thorin N. Tatge

As sung by Reba of Rivermill

You need to go home.

Which way is your home?

Upward, backward, down or right of us

Is your home somewhere in sight of us?

It cannot found in spite of us

Searching each direction

You were thrown, my darling Emery

While engaging with the enemy

Now your home is but a memory

Far beyond detection.

Now the deal

Is we’ve got to take what’s real

And whirl it up like a wheel

Of steel!

But it’s no breeze to grab that seal

And clench it!

There’s no real way to quench it.

Can’t really seize it and french it.

Can’t bench it!

But there are certain ways to wrench it

And if you hope to wrench reality

I suggest dimensionality.

So you’ve been displaced unhappily

You unlucky creature!

Set aside your rationality

Time to learn dimensionality

An art which in this locality

I’m the only teacher.

Try to catch this ball.

Try to catch it when I throw it.

Throw it

Throw it—

All right, I’m throwing it to the left.

I won’t use very much heft.

Just be a little bit deft.

Go left!

You missed! Well don’t look so bereft!

It’s all right.

You lost the ball in the sky, right?

You know your left is my right?

You did try, right?

Well, you’re as fool as iron pyrite.

Still, I feel that I did well to give

You the sense these things are relative:

Left, front, back, right, down or up

Depends on you, my buttercup.

Right, left, up, down, back and front;

Time to try a tricky stunt.

Up, down, right, back, front and left:

We can shake their warp and weft.

Here inside my fanny pack with me,

I’ve got much more than a snack with me:

I’ve got quite the fancy knack with these

Mushrooms, yes, and toadstools!

Celebrate your animality:

Learn to use dimensionality.

Mushrooms in your throat canal will be

Pretty fricking old school!

Mushrooms are the key

At least they’re the key for me

Other

People have other

Other

Keys

But I put my stock in these!

With the local magic crop of these,

I learned to dimension-hop with these

Some are crooked, some have spots,

Some will tie you up in knots.

Up, down, front, left, right or back;

Chink a chock into each crack.

Thus we’ll get you back on track!

All right, let’s see what’s in my pack,

Well hello!

Take a look at this little fellow!

Its point is to make you mellow.

It’s yellow

And yummy as a portabello.

Chew it!

It’s got the texture of suet.

Don’t argue with me; just do it.

Bite through it!

So do you like it? Yes? I knew it

That’s great.

Now it’s controlling your fate.

Soon it’ll make you sedate.

But wait.

Soon after you’ll hallucinate!

And that’s when you’ll gain impartiality

For your core dimensionality.

Maybe you’ll imagine casually

Soaring down up through the canopy

You will have to tell me when

Your mind be-gins to o-pen.

Soon you’ll mellow out and then

I’m gonna throw the ball again

So go down.

That’s right, I said go down.

Get rid of that silly frown

You clown!

Just sink a bit into the ground!

You don’t have to be so mad at me;

You should use dimensionality.

Use your altered personality;

Change your core conditions!

One, two, three, four, five and six

Is this the entire mix?

Surely there must be some tricks

To add some more positions.

Why are there just six?

Why are there just six directions?

Tell me

Tell me, tell me, tell me

Are there more; there should well be.

Well be, well be

Well...take a look at this one!

Its value is...humongous.

It’s called a Bleeding Tooth Fungus!

It’ll take you down

In ways down never was before!

(It’ll make you fall through the floor)

But that’s good.

Just take a chunk of its hood.

Now chew on it if you would.

Just chew!

Its point is to imbue you

With skew.

A degree or two will do.

Enough to let you sink through

The ground.

What better method to go down?

Okie,

My throwing arm’s getting smoky.

Well it’s okay to feel pokey

Or low key.

But try to catch this—don’t be hokey,

Hon.

Looks like you’re having fun.

That was an excellent run.

Hey, well done!

You did it, you son of a gun

You’re immersed.

You sank like we rehearsed

Just like the ground was cursed.

But first

And foremost, you are now well-versed

Enough to grasp the whole totality

Of advanced dimensionality.

While you climb out from that cavity

Let me tell you about gravity.

Well,

It’s the thing that makes you go down.

Some learned folk may dispute this

Citing things like mass

And universal attraction;

Bullshit!

It’s the thing that makes you go down.

Not gonna jerk you around;

The key is: Gravity

Is subject to refraction!

There are lots of ways to fall,

But we cannot try them all:

Notwithstanding some pretentions

We are things of three dimensions

At once.

And that’s the rub: at once.

We’re stuck this way for the nonce.

But see:

Reorienting gravity

Can let us fall from plane to plane!

You simply need to twist your brain.

Pretend you’re falling down like rain

Toward some hallucination!

Focus on the strangest part of it;

You may need to stop and start a bit.

Let it take you to the heart of it

Using gravitation!

Now, this ferry

Is out of the ordinary.

And while your mileage vary,

It’s scary!

And that is why you need to carry

This one.

Its purpose is very clear.

It’s to get rid of your fear.

Well, here!

There’s nothing to fear but fear, my dear!

Now fall.

To where I’ll throw the ball

Though there’s no room at all.

What gall!

But that’s no reason you should stall—

Go ana.

That’s ‘up’ in the Greek; go ana!

The path leading to nirvana

Is ana!

And that’s where you’ll go if you wanna

Catch the ball, now just a little bit;

Don’t get lost now, just lean into it,

Don’t get worried you’re too big to fit;

By now you know better!

Chase the ball that I am throwing;

Your brainstem knows which way it’s blowing,

And judging by the way you’re going

I think you’re gonna get her!

Hey, where did you go?

Hey, what do you know? You did go

Ana

Ana, ana, ana.

Ana

Wait!

Kata!

The other way!

Kata, kata!

Kata!

Where did you get off to, Emery?

You just vanished somewhere heavenly!

You’ll be nothing but a memory

If you cannot hear me!

You must have lost some cosmic lotteries

Not to hear me say, ‘Come kata please’!

Though I wait, I feel not a breeze

Blowing you back near me

So heed me!

You just got a little greedy.

The fact is that you still need me!

You’ve teed me!

So please reply to my entreaty...

Be more speedy!

There you are at last!

You gave me a nasty scare.

Hi there!

Hi,

Hi, hi, hi,

Hi there! Hi there.

How are you, you, you!

Du du du du

There’s a danger of fatality

When one learns dimensionality;

Still, its great originality

Makes it worth the learning!

Though there is a risk of malady,

People known for practicality

Always love dimensionality

If they are discerning.

For it has infinite

Infinite

Applications!

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