Our House

Original concept and chorus by Shel Silverstein

New verses by Thorin N. Tatge

A lady came to our house, to our house, to our house; a lady came to our house to have a chat.

So we shouted random things at her ‘till she went catatonic; then we smashed her bloody head in with a Welcome mat. But…

CHORUS: You’re always welcome in our house—any time of the day!

Yes, you’re always welcome in our house—and we hope you will stay.

A man came to our house, to our house, to our house; a man came to our house to take a poll.

So we fed him subtle lies until his world lost all joy and by the time the night was over we’d destroyed his soul. But…

CHORUS

A girl came to our house, to our house, to our house; a girl came to our house to sell us sweets.

So we showed her our VR machine which tore her limb from limb and every time she tries to get away the pain repeats. But…

CHORUS

A boy came to our house, to our house, to our house; a boy came to our house to play a game.

So we served him milk and cookies and went out to play some ball, and when he had to go we told him we were glad he came.

(spoken) Darn, we forgot to kill him!

(spoken) Oh well, you can’t be perfect hosts all the time.

CHORUS

(slowly) A cop came to our house, to our house, to our house; a cop came to our house to verify reports.

(spoken) So we killed him. And then back-up came, so we killed them too. And then they sent more back-up, and we killed them…the county police showed up, so we killed them, and then they sent in the national guard, so we killed them too, (sung) and by the time we were done we’d wiped out the entire U.S. domestic military force. But…

CHORUS