Murderous Little Toy

When I was just a wee little lad

Full of hope and joy

My father homward came one day

And gave to me a toy.

A terror to behold it was

With many colors bright

And the moment I laid eyes on it

It became my greatest fright.

It went RAAAH when it moved and

<explosive noise> when it stopped and

OOUUOOUU when it stood still.

I never knew just what it was

And I hope I never will.

The first time that I picked it up

I got a big surprise

For right on the bottom were two little tasers

Set to ‘Paralyze’.

And then it twisted my lid

And when I caught my breath again

This is what it did:

It went RAAAH when it moved and

<explosive noise> when it stopped and

OOUUOOUU when it stood still.

I never knew just what it was

And I hope I never will.

It first fired left and then fired right

And then hid under a chair

And when I looked where it had gone

It burned off all my hair.

I started to cry, but my daddy laughed

For he knew that I would find

When I turned around, my murderous toy attacked me from behind.

It went RAAAH when it moved and

<explosive noise> when it stopped and

OOUUOOUU when it stood still.

I never knew just what it was

And I hope I never will.

Well, the years have gone by too slowly, it seems

I’ve got my own little boy

And yesterday I gave to him

My murderous little toy

His eyes really popped right out of his head;

He gave a squeal of pain.

Neither one of us knows just what it is

But it drove us both insane!

It still goes RAAAH when it moves and

<explosive noise> when it stops and

OOUUOOUU when it stands still.

We never knew just what it is

And I doubt we never will.

That’s right, neither one of us knows just what it is

And I pray we never will.